The City Market

Went out with a group of friends from Form 6 to watch movie, The Karate Kid. Just curious, why is it named as Karate Kid when the martial arts that Jayden Smith was thaught was Chinese Kung Fu? Nevermind me, the movie is still a good one although I expect more out of it. After that, we went to KFC for brunch and we have Family feast set B x 2. And we did finish all of it and I even takeaway the bones for my dogs. LOL~ Then, I went to do a few errands for my mom and go back home.

Just want to shout out here that the best beef noodle is still at the old market in the city. Not to mention that, I ordered "special" from the drinks stall, the 1 next to sotong kangkung, "wat" Ann, is nice. The guy add lots of milk into it and cost only RM 1.80/bowl. And the beef noodle cost around RM4. The price varies depending on the size of the bowl of noodle you've ordered.

Truth be told, its been years sice the last time I went there and it still look very much the same. The soya bean drink apek still add ice to the already diluted soya bean. There are this one time, my mom and bro told me that they drag the ice across the floor of the market to their stall. You might think that this is still acceptable but hear this, the ice wasn't wrapped up with anything!!! It was pure ice only slidding on the floor. This make it seems like the scene where the soya bean apek halfed the ice by smashing against the pole doesn't matter much.

Till here. Feeling sleepy already. Nites...

P/s: Nice meeting all of you ( Form 6 Friends) again~ Wish you the best of luck in whatever you planned to do next.

From The Bottom of My Heart Where It Hurts The Most

I realised something, suddenly. I've come to realised how much I hate myself by blaming others on what I could not do which in turn if only I tried harder, I would not need to blame others on what I could not achieve and starting to love myself again. Do anything I say make sense to you?And to make matter worse, I knew about it and seems to do nothing about it although I want it to change so badly. This left me feeling patheticand parasite-ing.

I grew greedy with power and wealth that it blinds me sometimes. It is such a shame to say I'm doing things to others what they did to me. I grew tired of constantly been pick upon and did it to someone else who did nothing to me. Life is so unfair!! Why couldn't I do it to the same person that did it to me? Am I scared or threathened by them?

I don't know bout you but I have hard times trying to keep my friends. I'm not sure what to do with them. I don't get along very well with my friends from college and the last time I actually see and spoke to them was months ago. My friends from school are deminishing. My National Service friends was a past history since it been 3 years I think, since the last time we met up. One of the reasons are most probably the fact that they are on the west and we are on the east side of the country. but netherless, although we have few friends who's living in the same city, we didn't meet up. Our friendship only stretches far out on FB.

Now that all of us are growing up, it makes me feel like we have less and less time with one another. It may sound to you as if I'm talking about my partner or something but it's not. I never like anybody to the extent that I have a feeling and desire to have them. Personally, I think it's troublesome but from what I hear from my friends, you don't get lonely. It would be a lie if I say I don't get lonely sometimes but in the end, I got through that feeling and continue living my life. Back to my story, I'm actually referring to my childhood friends. All of us grew up and change right before our very own eyes and sometimes we are not used to the change and fall apart from each other. I don't want it to happen to me. Pathetically, they are the last of friends that I could pour my heart to. Although at times I didn't give much to tell about me to them but if I feeling like telling somebody, they would be the very first few people I would call. I would have like it if they are someone I can call when my heart was aching mad like hell. But I wouldn't want to burden them with my problems. One person suffering is way better than two.

Oh well, shit happens.

Yours truly,
The Pain Of Being Stabbed Right At The Heart

Sucks to be me

I realised it had been almost a year since the last time I blog. Actually, I wasn't planning to continue blogging but tis few recent months I felt like I got tons to say but nowhere to say it out. So I'll give the preview of the past months that I've been living in.

As a start, I just completed my course and had yet to gradute officially but my future already seem awfully dark. I don't think I'll be able to go anywhere to study or anything. My dad was awesome in making empty promises and my mom was terrific in bringing me down. It seems that they are unable to support my studies but the rest of my brothers still could pursue theirs. The truth is i am jealous of them like hell much. I'm jealous cause they can choose their own paths and I on the other hand, have to take whatever they gave me. Well hell, I even jealous that they got penis instead of a vagina with a monthly scheduled pain and also the fact that they can pee standing.

Truthfully, I'm terrified to be adult. To me, they seems like a bunch of parasite robots and untrustworthy. I dont want to grow up but it seems to me I had no choice but to step into this gruesome world of liars. Not so hopefully, I can do it by selling, donating and getting rid of all my childish stuffs like my soft toys, bean bag, speaker and guitar that tied me up in the wold of teenagers that fill with dreams and hopes and optimism.

But maybe I can keep my guitar?? I really loved it...

I've been eating non stop ever since I've finished in April. Eat, sleep, do house works are all I ever did since. My hatred to my mom was building up intensely that I started to avoid seeing and talking to her. For some reasons, to me, it seems like she is getting more selfish and stingy as the day passes. I hated the fact that I felt like I was not appreciated. I hate it even more when I felt like i was being used. Being used by somebody makes you seem like you're just plain too stupid to realise it.

On the side note, I think like everything else in the world, I've changes too, regretably. I've gotten more stingy, terrible to friends, the not caring attitude and worst of all, I've become a person that I myself dislike. What happened? I don't want to be the me now, it's pathetic. I mean I am pathetic. Keep hoping that things will work out like it always do. Seems like I ran out of luck. No more I'm so lucky I got through without breaking a sweat.

Signing off,

sucks to be me