I realised it had been almost a year since the last time I blog. Actually, I wasn't planning to continue blogging but tis few recent months I felt like I got tons to say but nowhere to say it out. So I'll give the preview of the past months that I've been living in.
As a start, I just completed my course and had yet to gradute officially but my future already seem awfully dark. I don't think I'll be able to go anywhere to study or anything. My dad was awesome in making empty promises and my mom was terrific in bringing me down. It seems that they are unable to support my studies but the rest of my brothers still could pursue theirs. The truth is i am jealous of them like hell much. I'm jealous cause they can choose their own paths and I on the other hand, have to take whatever they gave me. Well hell, I even jealous that they got penis instead of a vagina with a monthly scheduled pain and also the fact that they can pee standing.
Truthfully, I'm terrified to be adult. To me, they seems like a bunch of parasite robots and untrustworthy. I dont want to grow up but it seems to me I had no choice but to step into this gruesome world of liars. Not so hopefully, I can do it by selling, donating and getting rid of all my childish stuffs like my soft toys, bean bag, speaker and guitar that tied me up in the wold of teenagers that fill with dreams and hopes and optimism.
But maybe I can keep my guitar?? I really loved it...
I've been eating non stop ever since I've finished in April. Eat, sleep, do house works are all I ever did since. My hatred to my mom was building up intensely that I started to avoid seeing and talking to her. For some reasons, to me, it seems like she is getting more selfish and stingy as the day passes. I hated the fact that I felt like I was not appreciated. I hate it even more when I felt like i was being used. Being used by somebody makes you seem like you're just plain too stupid to realise it.
On the side note, I think like everything else in the world, I've changes too, regretably. I've gotten more stingy, terrible to friends, the not caring attitude and worst of all, I've become a person that I myself dislike. What happened? I don't want to be the me now, it's pathetic. I mean I am pathetic. Keep hoping that things will work out like it always do. Seems like I ran out of luck. No more I'm so lucky I got through without breaking a sweat.
As a start, I just completed my course and had yet to gradute officially but my future already seem awfully dark. I don't think I'll be able to go anywhere to study or anything. My dad was awesome in making empty promises and my mom was terrific in bringing me down. It seems that they are unable to support my studies but the rest of my brothers still could pursue theirs. The truth is i am jealous of them like hell much. I'm jealous cause they can choose their own paths and I on the other hand, have to take whatever they gave me. Well hell, I even jealous that they got penis instead of a vagina with a monthly scheduled pain and also the fact that they can pee standing.
Truthfully, I'm terrified to be adult. To me, they seems like a bunch of parasite robots and untrustworthy. I dont want to grow up but it seems to me I had no choice but to step into this gruesome world of liars. Not so hopefully, I can do it by selling, donating and getting rid of all my childish stuffs like my soft toys, bean bag, speaker and guitar that tied me up in the wold of teenagers that fill with dreams and hopes and optimism.
But maybe I can keep my guitar?? I really loved it...
I've been eating non stop ever since I've finished in April. Eat, sleep, do house works are all I ever did since. My hatred to my mom was building up intensely that I started to avoid seeing and talking to her. For some reasons, to me, it seems like she is getting more selfish and stingy as the day passes. I hated the fact that I felt like I was not appreciated. I hate it even more when I felt like i was being used. Being used by somebody makes you seem like you're just plain too stupid to realise it.
On the side note, I think like everything else in the world, I've changes too, regretably. I've gotten more stingy, terrible to friends, the not caring attitude and worst of all, I've become a person that I myself dislike. What happened? I don't want to be the me now, it's pathetic. I mean I am pathetic. Keep hoping that things will work out like it always do. Seems like I ran out of luck. No more I'm so lucky I got through without breaking a sweat.
Signing off,
sucks to be me
